10 Years as Pastor and Congregation

On Sunday,  I shared observations about 10 years of shared ministry as I’ve served as pastor of the Broad Bay Congregational United Church of Christ.  Below are my words. Feel free to respond with your comments about what our joint ministry means to you, the church, and the wider community.  I’d love to hear from you.

—-Nancy

If I have been a blessing in your lives, in the fabric of the Waldoboro Community, or in the life of this community of faith, it is because of the blessings we have shared—the ways that you have nurtured and blessed me, enabling me and inspiring me to tap into my gifts and find my voice.  At our best, we’ve played off of each other as pastor and congregation, growing and challenging each other to trust the spirit, work for justice, and love one another—even when that is hard, especially when it is hard.

Over and over again, when I have taken personal risks and reached down to the core of my being to preach, to pray, or to listen, you  have responded in ways that have strengthened my resolve and deepened my sense of God’s presence in our mutual ministries. The people of this congregation—past and present, have supported me and helped me to find my God given voice as I hope that I have helped you to do the same.

Some people have the words to describe a rich and deep spiritual life; they go to mountaintops and see Jesus transfigured.  For me, it is the more ordinary interchanges that point to something extraordinary, filling me with strength and gratitude. Today I share a few of those stories of times that you helped me to see the presence of God and renew my strength for the journey.

When I came 10 years ago I was aware of an aging building and small congregation coupled with difficult financial and leadership challenges.  But the hardest, (and still hard) challenge was formulating a vision and charting a course for this Broad Bay in this time.  We were still known as the folks in the Baptist Church. We had not yet found our voice and the tools that we would use to reach out in love.

Should we dust off the organ and see if it can be a tool for sharing God’s love and power?

Shall we start a community meal with the Methodist church?

Shall we support civil rights for gay, lesbian, and trangender people?

Shall we become Open and Affirming?

Do we want lay led worship?

Do want to invite a Muslim exchange student or a synagogue choir?

On all of those things, we’ve moved to a definitive “yes.”

Over and over again, I have glimpsed the power of God in your words, your lives and your wisdom—in your laughter and tears.

One day, Chet Merrifield came in to the office and shared Johnny Cash’s song  Man in Black. “I wear the black for the poor and the beaten down, I wear it for the sick and lonely old,…” Chet and I created a service around that song and God was with us.  At the time, it seemed a little risky.  Today that is clearly par for the course.

Last Sunday, it was my privilege to work with Karen and Claire to create a sanctuary as we remembered the prevalence of domestic violence and worshipped a God who uses us to reach out and bring hope to others. A member of this church made herself vulnerable and the Broad Bay Church held her close.

Recently, we explored the story of Moses in the bulrushes. I struggled to find a focus for a sermon. When I hit a deadend with little to say, I let go and trusted that my questions and your insight would create meaningful worship. I knew that together we would create a sermon. A week later, you were still complimenting me on that service which we created together. I trusted you and God enough to accept that my dead end during sermon preparation could became vibrant worship.  I knew that you could and would pick up where words failed me. That synergy between pastor and congregation is what has led us through the challenges of ministry in this time and place.

You’ve shown me that the most meaningful worship does not necessarily come from the best researched sermons with the most flowery language but often comes when I’m feeling the most vulnerable.  Sometimes the sermon intro, “May the words of my mouth and the meditations of our hearts be good and acceptable in your sight, O God, our strength and our redeemer” is a desperate cry when I have little confidence that my words will do much to point to God’s presence. Over and over again, someone finds God in my halting words.

Our journey as Christians is one of death and rebirth. Of deadends and new doorways. You’ve brought hope in so many ways.

There was the cold rainy day I came into the windowless church office.  The copier was covered in plastic to protect it from the rain. I was clothed in my expedition weight long underwear and I noticed a new leak as water dripped down the inside wall.  I had just moved and dried the wet picture when I heard whistling and footsteps.  Peter Scheuzger came in with the mail. We exchanged pleasantries.  He surveyed the scene and said, “this is depressing.” We both knew that there was no immediate answer but the depressing reality was shared and I found strength and comfort.

I celebrate times when Deacons and other leaders have listened to a half-baked idea of mine and raised caution flags; sometimes I changed course; other times, I decided it was worth the risk.  It is a God given gift to have leaders who will give honest feedback which expand my understanding without wounding my spirit. Other times you have enthusiastically said, “Let’s go!”

–A holocaust remembrance service with synagogue choir.

–the great Easter challenge which involved transforming junked light fixtures from the Rockland dump into signs of resurrection.

–A Worldwide communion service with breakfast and a service project at head start.

–An organ concert to see if there is interest in restoring it.

After 10 years, the line between me and you, has become more fluid as you have molded me and I have molded you.

It hasn’t always been rosy.  For me there have been and continue to be times of grief and discouragement.  We are still very small.  Attendance is no longer growing.  Too often, our leaders burn out and meetings focus on conversations that leave us drained and discouraged.  Financially it remains very challenging; welcome to another stewardship campaign.  Budget will be higher in 2015.  Some pledgers have died.  Up your pledge, please.  How can a ministry that is so good and so vibrant be so hard to administer and fund?

For me, parish ministry is an opportunity to see my failings over and over and over again—missed opportunities, too many balls in the air, challenging pastoral care needs, seeking the balance between supporting us to find Sabbath and urging us to reach deeper into the community, deeper into our relationship with God and one another, to keep on tending the fires of our ministries.

And yet, over and over again, something happens to restore hope–to move from death to resurrection.  After the recent open house, one of your tired leaders said, “I’m exhausted. It’s great! Work hard and guess what?  We get to have a church.  We get to have this church!” I am not sure that the work of ministry gets better than enthusiam.

The story of the last 10 years is the story of highs and lows—of death and resurrection. The story for centuries has been highs and lows—of death and resurrection. From Noah and the ark, parting of the red sea to David and Batheseba, Jesus healing the blind man, to Jesus’ death and resurrection, death and resurrection is the story of faith. Though it all, God moves in and through me and us in wonderful and miraculous ways.

And moments of grace.

Remember the Unbinding the Gospel book studies?  They were ostensibly about evangelism and prayer.  We/you steadfastly avoided evangelism and focused on prayer.  I had hoped that it would be a jumping board for more outreach.  Instead it was a place of prayer and deeper community.  Sitting around the table under the flickering lights, we lit candles, shared prayers, and laughed and cried together. Relationships with God and one another were transformed.  And I felt the spirit moving through me as I lit the candles and led us in prayer with times of silence. A miracle of grace.

Over and over again, I’ve discovered and re-discovered the power of silence—whether in worship, in meetings, in pastoral visits.

Walking into the funeral home.  Gathering family in a circle, holding hands, saying “Let Us pray,” and waiting as the words stumble out of my mouth.  Words that are beyond what I can write—emerging slowly haltingly but real and holy.  And the community said Amen and thank you. And I am truly awed.

There have been so many kindnesses to me. Soup when my mother had open heart surgery. When my uncle died, the service was at 2 pm on a Sunday afternoon in Boothbay Harbor.  I could lead worship here and get there in time.  But I didn’t want to and the Deacons and pastoral relations said “go” and my husband and I enjoyed lunch overlooking Boothbay Harbor with cousins who had also loved and sailed with our aunt and uncle.

Remember the days when Max always brought Moose to worship? One morning, Konni walked into the Sunday School room and handed me a moose puppet.  Just after that, Marcus showed up with another Moose and shared a profound theological conversation that Moose and Marcus had had about God and church.  Recently, a child shared a quiet description about the meaning of communion with me over snacks downstairs.

You have been gentle enough with me for me to continue to risk and grow and explore. You have been honest enough with me for me to learn from mistakes. You’ve taken risks with me. And when I’ve fallen and when we’ve been lost, the spirit has swept through bringing hope and resurrection.

You have been gentle enough with me for me to give voice to that which is deep within me.

You know that I’m not the smartest or wittiest or the funniest or the holiest, or the most charismatic, or the most organized or the best dressed; I’m just me. You know my failings and missteps, my gifts and my accomplishments and seem to love me anyway.  And I have seen many of you through a variety of situations and challenges and I love you.  That is what this life of faith is about. Jesus said, “love one another as I have loved you.” It is a gift beyond measure that your love and acceptance mirrors what I believe about God. Does that knowledge of ourselves as human, fallible, flawed and holy people—known over a decade as congregation and pastor and community enable us to create a stronger faith community than we have now?  Does it provide a firm foundation to go out and share God’s love and acceptance?

A lot has changed in 10 years. And nothing has changed.  We are spread very thin both in terms of money and in terms of people to do the work.  Our outreach could go deeper. I am still searching for ways to be more effective, to equip each of us to do ministry where we find ourselves and to change the world with projects that matter.  We’re still learning to move beyond the inevitable conflicts and misunderstandings–hurts and angers. What we have today is the relationships, with one another, with the wider community, with God. Those relationships count.

This is my story.  A piece of it is our story.  But what about your story? How do you describe the interplay between me and you, between pastor and congregation?  Is it holy?  Is it a blessing?  Do our interactions bring forth the reign of justice and mercy, hope and resurrection?

You have loved and supported me into being the minister I’ve become and it is good.  Have I supported and nurtured you to be the church you’ve become and are becoming? To be the people of God you are and are becoming?  Let’s continue to share the stories.

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Healing Touch

2014.10.05brownie2Several weeks ago, I was given a handmade Brownie, a little elf.  I was told that Brownie had been found trapped in the tower above the bell at the church; he’d been trapped there in the dark since repairs were done twenty years ago.   “Great,”  I thought.  While I really wanted the companionship of a Brownie, why was I the one to get the one struggling with the trauma of 20 years of darkness and captivity?

Today I walked into the church and found that my long term friend, the sock monkey, was embracing the Brownie.   An ordinary sock monkey shared the love of God with a scared and scarred Brownie.  That is church at its best.

Picture caption: Sock monkey (created by Chris Watts) comforts traumatized Brownie (created by Chris Derby).   Both sit on the communion table at the Broad Bay Congregational United Church of Christ on Worldwide Communion Sunday.

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Sacred Space

I walked into the sanctuary.  The organist was playing the historic organ.   I sat down and felt something holy move through me.  Was it the architecture, the stained glass windows, the chandelier, or the music? Was it the prayers and tears and hope of generations of seekers, questioners, believers, mystics, and prophets who have brought heart and soul to this place?  Is the love of weddings, the grief of funerals and the hope of baptism tied to the space?  Is it the community of people who gather here each week? 

A community needs sacred gathering places whether gardens, coffee shops, mountains, art museums, or parks.

Is a church sanctuary a significant sacred place to those who do not worship there?

Where are your sacred places?

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Sabbath Wonder

A busy day

Rush to mow the lawn

Electric mower ran out of power

I gently tip the mower over to scrape the damp grass clippings off the base

On my knees, I look up

Sky is dense blue as white cumulus clouds float behind green leaves on strong trees

I stop

I take it in

Wonder and beauty

Clearly the most important moment of the day

 

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Easter: Light Dawns

From my Easter Sermon: April 20, 2014

Easter Art by Brian Scheuzger

Easter Art by Brian Scheuzger

God calls us out of the tomb: the tomb of anger, or victimization, or hopelessness. On Easter, the stone is rolled away.  All we have to do is move toward the dawning light.

Today, we gather in an old church building as part of an institution that by many assessments seems to be at death’s door–an empty tomb, complete with shrouds.  This week, the copier broke, the organ spased out, the lights in the chandelier failed, the printer ran out of magenta ink, and God only knows where the small candle snuffer is.

Light dawned. David and Nick Wallace dropped everything to come on Good Friday for emergency organ adjustments. Ted brought his own candle snuffer; I changed the printer cartridge; Jonathan climbed up into the attic and hit the reset button for the chandelier.

Easter is God’s reset button.

No matter how bad it is. No matter how bad it has gotten, Easter comes and gives us another chance.

We are a resurrection people.

Let’s get out of the tomb and onto the street. The stone has been rolled away.  Move it.  Go with the light that is dawning. Soar.

Tell your own resurrection story. Live your own resurrection story. Leave the wounds behind in the tomb.

And next Sunday?  There will be an open mic for you to tell your story of meeting Jesus or of experiencing resurrection in your lives. Think about what you want to share. Where do you see the resurrection?  Where has God hit the reset button? Where is Christ’s light and passion here and now?  There are signs of the Risen Christ all around us.  Keep your eyes peeled.

Amen.

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Rooted in our own soil

Ezekiel found himself in the valley of dry bones when God said, “I will put my spirit within you and you shall live, and I will place you on your own soil; then you shall know that I, the Lord, have spoken and will act.”

Sometimes it is in the valley of the dry bones that God breathes life into us and put us down in our own soil. Each of us has our own ministries that spring from the living water that runs through us. Dams break and our roots grow in the compost of our lives and our community. Too often, we try to become cookie cutter Christians, cardboard church members, or stereotypical clergy.  Each of us carries our own gifts and is rooted in our own God given soil.   Thanks to all the folks involved in the Women Touched by Grace Pastoral Excellence Program who help me to celebrate the fertile soil where I am planted.

Spring is here. Jesus will be crucified again. The sun will rise on Easter morning.

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Prayer–Believe it or Not

Jesus used mud and saliva to give sight to a blind man. When the neighbors and the Pharisees heard what had happened, they began looking for Jesus, whom they could neither find nor understand.   Once found, the conversation with Jesus continued about light and darkness and who was a sinner.  Some things don’t change; we seem to love to blame others for things like blindness.

Jesus’ response was confusing. “I came into this world for judgment so that those who do not see may see, and those who do see may become blind.”

Some of the Pharisees heard this and said to him, “Surely we are not blind, are we?”

Jesus said to them, “If you were blind, you would not have sin. But now that you say, ‘We see,’ your sin remains.”

Here is the tension in the story.  Those who do not see will see and those who do see will become blind.  So if I am blind, and then I see, am I suddenly blind again?

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Morning Prayer at Our Lady of Grace Monastery starts with this call and response:

“O Lord Come to my Assistance. Make haste to help me.”

Three times a day the community gathers for prayer.  They drop whatever they are doing and follow the bells to the chapel to pray.

Ten days ago, I received the following email from Sister Luke at Our Lady of Grace.  She wrote:

“Throughout the season of Lent, it has been my practice to pray individually for the Women Touched by Grace.  It is my privilege and my pleasure to remember you today, Nancy. My mass intention is for you and each time I enter chapel and see your name in my Office book, you will be remembered. I am most grateful to have you in my life and I thank you for the good work you do and for the fine woman you are.  You are a credit to your denomination.  May God’s graces be abundant in your life today.

Until we meet again, know you are loved.  Luke”

I responded to the email with tears of love and gratitude.  I imagine Sister Luke walking into the chapel and praying for me. Thank you God.  Thank you Sister Luke.

And yet, I don’t even know what I believe about prayer.

Does it work?  Does it matter?  Does God do our bidding?

Some research suggested that people are healed by prayer even if they don’t know that they are being prayed for; other research showed the opposite—that there is no obvious connection between unknown prayer and demonstrated healing.

What do I think?  I don’t know.

Once I lay in a hospital bed and the clergy stopped by as I was still drugged, took my hand, said “God bless you,” as he made a quick exit.

“Good riddance,” I thought.

Another time, another minister took my hand and his prayers for me touched me deeply.

How does prayer work?

I simply don’t know.

I used to think that I had to know and had to believe, especially to be a good Christian.  Today, I am content to let it be a mystery.

I know that when a group gathers three times a day to pray and individuals take more time for meditation that something profound happens, not every time and not every prayer, but enough to change the day and the life of the one who prays. With practice, with discipline, with habit something shifts and God moves in and through us. When we make room for a spiritual discipline, we are more likely to notice God. Prayer is a way of paying attention and learning to open our hearts to one another and to God.

It matters that a group of Sisters gathers in prayer. It matters that the Broad Bay Church gathers in prayer.  For those of us who make time for worship, prayer, and study on a regular basis, there is a blessing. It is not that God will smite us for not showing up, but that we will miss something when our lives are not anchored by regular practices of prayer and contemplation. It is easier, I think, to be disciplined in a community of faith where the bell rings and the people gather together.

At Our Lady of Grace, the sound of the bells calling the sisters to prayer is heard inside and outside.  By that sound, the worship and prayers of the sisters move beyond the chapel. The bells serve as a reminder to all who are within earshot that a small and faithful group is preparing for worship.

From the day that Broad Bay purchased this building to the death of our faithful bell ringer, this bell rang every week to announce worship; its peal reverberated up the hill to the home of a shut-in. When a rooky bell ringer took over, neighbors commented on the difference; people notice. Church bells serve as reminders that God is in our midst and that faithful Christians gather weekly for prayer and worship.  The church bell is part of our mission to those around us.  3914BellVert2a

Do I believe that the fact that a sister is praying for me in the chapel of Our Lady of Grace will make a difference to God?  Doubt it.

I followed the funeral procession out to the monastery cemetery.  The sisters sang out the names of saints followed by the words “pray for us.” They went on to sing the names of all their departed sisters followed with the plea, “pray for us.”  It is a holy ritual that makes space for the grief that always wells up when we lose one we love. Do I believe in asking the dead to pray for me?  I don’t think so.  Yet, walking to that cemetery, I felt a cloud of witnesses and love and comfort that comes from the source of daily prayer and intentional community. Rituals matter.

When we cling to rituals as absolutes, they become idols. When we stand on rituals and immerse ourselves in daily, weekly, yearly times of prayer and ritual, something can shift in us.  Prayer, ritual and worship anchors us.

We don’t need to sort out exactly what we believe. All we have to do is show up. Jesus left the disciples with the somewhat bizarre idea that those who see can’t and those who can’t can.

I simply know this.  When I get an email from Sister Luke saying that she will pray for me, my heart opens further.  I feel loved by God. I am so grateful that a small group half way across the country, stops everything to pray together 3 times a day and I am blessed.   I feel God’s presence more fully in my life.  When I know that Sister Luke or members of this congregation are praying for and with me, I find more strength for the journey. Our mutual ministry is strengthened.

I know this.  When I take a deep breath in this place and say, “Let us Pray…”  something happens.  I can’t explain it.  All I can do is notice it and celebrate it.  Amen.

 

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Hospitality at Our Lady of Grace Monastery

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Continuing the account of my participation with Women Touched by Grace, a spiritual renewal program for clergy.

Faith is caught as much as taught. We learn by doing and watching. We come to know Jesus through his love and through the love of others. Benedictine Communities are known for the practice of hospitality and commitment to greet all as though they were Christ. The United Church of Christ has used the phrase “radical hospitality” to describe our ministries.  No matter who you are or where you are on life’s journey, you are welcome here.”

April 16, 2012:  I stepped off the escalator just before the step disappeared under the floor. I introduced myself to the Sister standing holding the Women Touched by Grace sign.  Sister Mary introduced me to Dorisanne, a Baptist pastor from Texas. We waited for April, whose flight was just coming in from Minneapolis/St Paul.

Sister Mary struggled a bit with the cell phone as she called Sister Ann Patrice who was to pick us up in the van.  I climbed in the back seat and looked out the window.  Sister Ann Patrice and April had an animated conversation about the intricacies of football.  Sister Ann Patrice said she doesn’t watch football with the sisters at the Monastery because they don’t understand the game.  A year later, Sister Luke said it was fun to walk by Ann Patrice in the middle of a football game and ask, “What inning is it?”

As we drove toward Beech Grove, Ann Patrice’s cell phone went off.  She picked it up.  “We’re just getting off the interstate. Will be there in about 7 minutes.”  We drove into a circular drive and the van stopped.  Standing outside was a woman dressed in a brilliant sweater with a huge grin. April, Dorisanne, and Sister Mary, piled out first. I climbed over the middle seat and out the door. Still wobbly on my feet having just extricated myself from the van, I looked up.  The woman who stood at the entrance, opened her arms and said, “Nancy, welcome to the Benedict Inn. I’m Sister Luke.” She embraced me. 

“She knows name,”  I thought. “How did she do that?”  Perhaps it was the photo I sent as part of the application. Or she knew that April, Dorisanne and I were in the van and I was the last out. Either way, it felt good. 

Sister Luke led us to our rooms.  She showed me where the bathroom was and where I could find an extra towel.  She pointed out the phone to use to call if I needed ANYTHING—even if it was during the night.  She gave me directions to the room downstairs where there were sandwiches for supper. On the desk in the bedroom, there was a notebook with more information and a detailed schedule. There was a card from Sister Anna Marie, my prayer partner and a piece chocolate.  There was a directory which had the names and pictures of all the sisters so we could begin to learn some of them and a name tag so that we could introduce ourselves to each other.   

I wondered if I could trust this welcome.  My mother taught me not to impose—never put other people out.  Despite two inhalers, nasal spray and two pills, I was struggling with asthma and afraid.  What if I need more medical care?  Dare I call Sister Luke in the middle of the night if I couldn’t breathe?

During that first trip out to Our Lady of Grace Monastery, it was as if there was a deep collective sigh that came in response to a hospitality that was real.  “What are your needs, wants, desires?” Sister Luke asked.  I didn’t need to be in charge or take care of anyone else.  I didn’t need to pull my weight. I could be vulnerable.  I could call Sister Luke in the middle of the night and say, “I can’t breathe.”

Over the next few days, I listened to stories of deep pain, of ministry under challenging circumstances—as stories both personal and professional were shared.  Something happens when we are loved and cared for. There is that sigh.  It will be OK.  There was a freedom to share and a freedom not to share which is just as important.

Because of hospitality and a sense of safety, there was a bubbling up of vulnerability that wasn’t just what is shared outwardly, but what one is feeling internally. When we are loved and have some sacred space, it is safer to let the fears, darkness, and grief rise up where we can notice them.

Once someone has been vulnerable (but not too self-absorbed), and the experience rings true to others, we know we are not alone and community is born and strengthened. It is OK.  God loves us.

When there is space for the brokenness to emerge, there is space for the light to shine in.

God loves you. God loves us. Really loves us.  Warts and all.   It is when we know we are loved that our hearts break open and expand in love.

Some concrete observations about Our Lady of Grace Monastery. The place is immaculate. The thoughtfulness is real.  Sister Betty and Sister Luke met us at the chapel to insure we got the right prayer books.  A sister would gently help us find our way.  We were welcome to take the Eucharist.  We were invited to preach—but not forced– an amazing honor for me. There were clear boundaries. The monastery is locked—all the time.  It is not OK to sit in the prioress’ chair in the back row.  There are particular seats that some of the sisters always choose. We were not invited beyond the chapel.  The sisters, while amazingly kind, are busy and conversations are brief without a lot of small talk. The welcome protected the rhythm and routine of the hosts and left space to speak and space to be quiet. There was space for me to be alone with my own thoughts.  

The rule of St. Benedict helps folks address basic human nature and conflicts that occur. The attached photo is an example of hospitality; three very different women who have committed themselves to God each extend a warm welcome in her own ways. Can anyone look at the loving embrace between a pink wigged Sister, a a bareheaded female Baptist preacher from the south, and a habit clothed Sister and not know that the love of God is real? God’s hospitality makes room for all of us.

I am so grateful for the love and hospitality that I’ve been gifted as part of Women Touched by Grace.  I have learned something from Sister Luke and Sister Betty who created this program, from Sister Rachel who listened with love, from Sister Anna Marie who is busy and deep into her own ministry, and from all the other tired, strong, vibrant, creative, funny, fallible, faithful women clergy who have become gift for me.  I pray that somehow the gift of hospitality that has been gifted to me is flowing out into the pews of this place, the Broad Bay Congregational United Church of Christ.

May we offer to one another the gift of space to be quiet,

the gift to not be responsible and the gift to be very responsible,

the gift of shared laughter and tears, of shared strength and vulnerabilities.

May we do the earthly things like wear name tags, make sure that people have the right hymnal, be vulnerable with one another, and give people the space to be silent. 

May we greet each person as if they were Christ. Amen.

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Listen

“Listen”  is the first word in the Rule of St. Benedict.  “Listen, my children…Listen with an ear to your heart.”

Listen.

April 16, 2012:  I arrived at the Indianapolis airport—my computer in one hand and a backpack on my back. I followed the signs to baggage claim and got on the down escalator.

Once you’re on an escalator, turning back, or staying put is really not an option.  As I clutched the railing and continued the slow descent, I saw a gray haired woman in a blue jumper holding a sign that said, “Women Touched by Grace.” We made eye contact.  I looked away. What in God’s name had I gotten myself into? There was no turning back.  I was almost too sick to speak. All I could do was listen.

What was I doing at a Catholic women’s monastery? What was I seeking?

I am a social justice Christian who has worked to feed the hungry, staffed the homeless shelter, sat with violent teens, and stayed up through the night with folks in a crazy manic state.  What in God’s name drew me to a program with Catholic Sisters based on spiritual renewal?

On the application, I wrote:

“The teaching of spiritual practices was not done in churches or in seminary. I crave silence and a deeper sense of the divine.  I seek a safe community to help me to make the space to calm my soul and open my heart. I yearn for the support and training to dare to let the Spirit touch me, mold me, and inspire me in deeper ways. I hope that Women Touched by Grace will give me the guidance and nurture to venture into what are for me uncharted and somewhat frightening waters of intentional spiritual formation. I know I need this if my ministry is to endue and grow.”

“My heart feels open and I want to be exposed to a variety of ways of practicing spirituality so that I can be more intentionally rooted in the presence of the divine and able to share that with others.”

Listen.

Listen to the heart.

Listen.

When I arrived at the Benedict Inn at Our Lady of Grace Monastery, I could hardly talk due to a cold and asthma.  So I listened and watched and learned and prayed.  I felt I had nothing to give.  I didn’t have the energy to try to impress so I just listened.

Listen without judgment.

Listen without trying to fix or resolve.

Listen with curiosity.

Listen without thinking of what to say next.

Then when I spoke, my words seemed to come from a place of deep attention, even wisdom.

When Sister Luke and Sister Betty first proposed this program, they were not going to invite the Protestant clergy to pray with the Sisters.  They didn’t want to be accused of trying to convert.  They needed us to say, “you have what we need to reclaim.  We want to worship with you.”  The sisters had to listen to us to recognize the gifts that they hold. They didn’t realize how much others yearn for what the Sisters know deep in their hearts and bones. Through our eyes, they see themselves and their gifts more clearly. Listen.

The way of worship at Our Lady of Grace is repetitive and initially, really boring. It is slow, painfully slow.  Lots of quiet and pauses.  They say Mary’s Magnificat over and over again day after day; there were different transitions and different tunes but I did hear it the first time?

Mary’s song is a song of justice. Why not sing it daily?  Let’s live it daily.

The prayer book holds pages of psalms complete with nasty smiting language.  Listen, the psalms are the prayers our people have prayed for centuries. Even when individually we don’t feel that way, someone else does.

And now I crave scripture in deeper ways.  Having listened, I have come to rest in the liturgy which no longer seems so dull—even when the words may be difficult.

How often do I hear without really listening?

Listen.

Listen. And in listening hearts open.

We’ve been taught to do and to fix.

We in the liberal protestant church have been taught to think and reason.  Seminary graduates are taught to argue right theology.  To be ordained, we have to articulate a coherent and rational sounding theology.  We use words.

I wonder if the biggest gift we can give is to listen—to strangers, to friends, to one another, to God.

What happens when we create a listening environment where we hear one another’s stories and in so doing glimpse the soul of another?

In listening, really listening, hearts open.  Listening to clergy women’s accounts of the joys and heartaches of ministry in their particular contexts, the woundedness we each bring to our lives and work, was acknowledged and eased.  When we listen hard, we know that we each walk in the wilderness.

Listen for God.

Listen for what is already sealed in our hearts.

I shared with Sister Rachel, my assigned spiritual director. She didn’t judge. She didn’t try to convert me.  As she listened and I heard myself speak, I began to find God in my words—not her words. And (don’t tell Sister Rachel) but her words (they are good) but they are not my words. I don’t know how to pray to Mary or Joseph or the saints. Most importantly, Sister Rachel listened to me, and I heard God’s voice within me.

Listen for God.

Listen for the voice within.

Today we celebrate the first Sunday of Lent.  Jesus was tempted by the devil. The devil offered Jesus food, safety, and wealth. And Jesus turned away.  How often do we confuse Satan with God?  If we don’t listen hard, it is easy to miss God’s presence or mistake it for something that is not God.

Listen.

Listening is a powerful God given tool with the power to change everything.  Listening is the foundation our ministry as people of God.

I encountered an acquaintance that just had a family member commit suicide.   I steeled myself and walked across the room to where she was sitting.  “I’m sorry about your niece,” I said. There was the awkward silence. The smile on her face when she greeted me turned to an expression of deep pain. I said something stupid and waited. The waiting was hard. Perhaps I should have kept my mouth shut. It looked like I was the one to cause anguish until she began to talk of love and grief, and how to go on.  I listened.  There was absolutely nothing to say. It was too awful.  I believe in the power of listening.

When Jesus walked in the wilderness, he listened.  He didn’t take the easy path to wealth, safety, and food.  He waited and prayed and listened.

The tempter comes ready to convince us that we need answers, special training, and that we will be rewarded with food, safety, and wealth.

Listen.

Listening is often the most important and sacred act we can do.

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Snow worship

Today many in the congregation were snowed in. 13 people gathered around the table in the fellowship hall.  We lit the candle which sat in the glass which held a rainbow of colors.  Elizabeth Meade recited Maya Angelou’s poem, Human Family (http://allpoetry.com/poem/8511441-Human-Family-by-Maya-Angelou) about how while our skins are many colors, “we are more alike, my friends, than we are unalike.”  We thanked Jim Derby for keeping our sidewalks and the sidewalks of our neighbors plowed.  Joan Ebbeson played the piano starting with Sweet Hour of Prayer.   Blake read Matthew 5:21-26 and Evelyn and Alethe did a dramatic reading on the same text.  I told the story of Corrie Ten Boom who was imprisoned in a concentration camp during World War II due to her efforts to hide Jews.  Ten Bloom wrote of being unable to forgive the guard at the concentration camp until she asked God for forgiveness for her inability to forgive.  And she discovered that it is God who allows us to forgive.

And then we talked and prayed.  About forgiveness.  About challenges families–especially adopted families face.  We prayed for and with each of you.

The tea kettle boiled and Claire brought cheese and crackers as the conversation continued.

Each of you were missed.  Each of you were with us in spirit.

Blessings to all on this sunny, snowy day.  (and blessings to Ginny on her 95th birthday tomorrow).

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