Call me crazy, but I enjoy working with families to create personalized memorial services and funerals. Some people say I am skilled at that. It gives me a chance to use the family therapy skills I spent years honing as I listen to the varied perspectives that different family members and friends carry to this time of grief. The Broad Bay Church has a beautiful sanctuary. Yet we seldom get called to work with families outside of the church to create memorial services. Why?

Do people not know that we are called to work with folks who call themselves spiritual and not religious as well as those deeply rooted in the Christian tradition? Or that every service is crafted around the particularities of the life led and the needs and beliefs of the family and community?

All Broad Bay Church memorial services are interfaith services which welcome people from a variety of faith traditions and no faith tradition to gather in a sacred place to remember, comfort, cry, and seek meaning.

In times of grief, both the presence and absence of God are profoundly felt. Questions arise. People are hurting and vulnerable, often filled with a myriad of conflicting feelings. Old family conflicts may be set aside or exacerbated as people grieve in different ways and on different schedules.

At times of death, I meet with the family a couple of times to talk about the life of the one who has died. I listen to stories and learn about the religious and/or spiritual beliefs and practices of the family. Are there special readings, music, or stories that people want told? Are there individuals who want to share a memory or reading or song? After the initial conversation, I create a draft order of worship with music, readings and stories for the family to review.

Each service is different. It may take place in the cemetery with just a few people gathered around sharing stories about the one who has died followed by a prayer or in the sanctuary with organ, readings, singing, and prayer. Either way, it is a time for family and friends to gather together in a sacred place in the presence of one another and the Holy to remember, mourn, and comfort.

I believe that rituals around death matter. Is there more we can or should do to support our community in sorrow?